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DAY 36

I apologise that this may not be as long or may have errors, as I am writing this blog post on the last train home. I'm heading back from a work training night and I'm already exhausted.

I feel odd today, I felt very sad for a while. I'm not sure why but I hit essentially depression for just a few hours. Maybe it was natural, it's not the way my illness works so I'm worried a little. I feel okay tonight though so it isn't much hopefully. I remember just walking around Glasgow whining then next thing I know I'm breaking down in tears in John Lewis. I'm not sure what's wrong with me, maybe hormones went crazy but I do feel fine now. I think I just got a little frightened, a few things amounted up - I cried and now I'm okay. It's good to remember that even if you have a mood disorder, you are still capable of feeling ordinary emotions. Primarily people feel happy and sad, often a few in one day so it probably wasn't out of the ordinary for me to have a little sad part.

I'm being pulled about with someone bullying me, not that it is out of the usual but they are not only attacking me they are indirectly attacking the community and blog I've created. That's not cool. For anyone to go ahead and insult a girl who's marginally younger than them with mental health issues, calling them names and competing to try and out-do them, that's just plain bad character. This blog is not running in a competition, this is something that helps thousands of people everyday. All you need to do is click on Twitter and see the response to it, it's incredible.

Some people don't understand mental health, they think it's imaginary. That illness of the mind doesn't exist, yet they accept things like Alzheimer's. It's just a shame people are ignorant, boasting their physical illnesses are much worse. Let's be realistic, long term losing your mind and never recovering? Mental illness is one of the worst things that can happen to an individual, because if you lose your mind: what are you? I would rather have something physical that gets treated then I can be normal. I will never be normal, and yet there are people who scoff at the journey you and I have to take towards wellbeing.

Don't let anyone tell you that your illness is nothing. A man on Twitter the other day remarked that had I not been diagnosed, I wouldn't have any issues and that now I'm off my head on drugs. Like physical illness, mental illness that is severe needs treated. If giving me drugs with albeit unpleasant side effects, to keep me alive and sane - then I'll take them.

I think in this world we have a lot of ignorant people, education is the key. If we all had a standard of intellect and understanding then there would be less stigma.

Be strong my friends, face those bullies. Not everyone is good in this world. And for those who doubt your illness, ignore them because they are ignorant and can't possibly believe things that aren't staring them in the face.

See you tomorrow, stay strong.

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