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JUNE 2016 - DAY 1: 'Goals'

Hello all, elated to be back! 

I've been incredibly busy in the past few months, assessments at university, personal life impasses... the kinds of things I'm sure you all have been craving incessantly since I last gifted you a 'Day of Mimi'.

I decided that on the first of June, I’d begin again with ‘100 Days of Mimi’. Last year, for 100 days - although we can all vouch that I messed up the routine a little - I blogged about my life with a mental illness. It was a difficult notion to open myself up so much but initially there was not much of an audience – it was like having my own diary, then when it had been noticed and ‘Mimi’ was indeed uncovered – I had to take it upon myself to let go of that initial anonymity and open up about my experiences to not only strangers, but people I knew. Mental Health is a impenetrably difficult conversation to have, but after my 100 days of talking about it were over, I received floods of messages from those who I had influenced to have their own conversations and those who could resonate with the things I had wrote in my blog.

What was my humble diary of a teenage girl who had mental health issues, became a billboard and community for those who were unable to have conversations about their own problems. Not only did I speak out to those who had mental illnesses, I spoke out to those looking further into understanding mental illness and it wasn’t until those 100 days were over that I started to feel a lot of pride towards the work I had done. For something so personal to become shared property to better the good of everyone, was an idea I was gratified with.

I hope for the next 100 days, you will enjoy the journey I am about to take you on again and I hope that you will find some kind of value in the words I put on the page, because as I write – I’m deeply and sincerely thinking about you.

So, let’s start again.

My name is Mimi, I am 20 years old and I live in the West Coast of Scotland. I go to art school and I just generally enjoy being busy. I am single with a hilariously arduous dating life, but I have a really nice dog so I mean I feel it falls into place somewhere! I still (and always will) have Bipolar Disorder, but at the moment – I am feeling really well. I’m still taking those extra steps to look after myself.

At the moment I have taken myself off my Bipolar medication, I am being treated for my anxiety solely. I personally chose to take that break as other aspects of my life heated up and the maintenance of appointments became demanding. Being on Lithium is awkward because when you start it’s a timely process to get up to therapeutic level, unfortunately I didn’t have time for that monitoring again so I had to have a short break. Fortunately, I am in a positive place within my life and other than some notions of anxiety, I pretty much have control on how I’m feeling. That’s not to say I wake up feeling optimistic every single morning, but I’m happy to be alive every single day – and that itself is enough for me to feel content and confident with the direction my life is going in.

Probably the funniest story I have of late is that I thought I would challenge myself and I took on this ridiculous ‘Banana Cleanse’ where I could only eat bananas for four days. Before you laugh and click off, I genuinely thought it would like rid my body of toxins or something voodoo like that! I don’t know what I was thinking honestly. I undeniably fall victim to the most ludicrous ideas! But after two successful ‘banana only’ days, today was my third and I chose to give up on it. I had weighed myself and I realized if I lost a single pound I’d be classed as underweight in terms of BMI! That’s not the place I want to be in so I totally gave in and ordered pizza, with stuffed crust too by the way, in order to keep my weight in the green zone. But before I ordered that pizza, I honestly felt so guilty like I was failing myself for not sticking to my word and completing the four days!

I started watching these oddly strict ‘pro-vegan’ videos and when I went to call for a pizza I was thinking… oh god, someone would totally not be happy with me quitting this! This is the strangest part of the whole 2 days though, at random points through the day I’d start weighing myself or I’d pull my top up to see how flat my stomach looked. I almost became obsessed, that’s why I also felt the pizza was seriously overdue. I know the whole story sounds nonsensical, but something as simplistic and old as dieting can honestly rule your head like crazy! Before you know it you’re looking at girls with washboard abs on Instagram thinking ‘Goals’.

The whole internet phenomenon of ‘goals’ is blowing up and it’s so vexing, even I was drawn into it’s ways! I’m looking at a girl who only eats bananas with a 10cm waist and thinking ‘Goals’, gawping at people with glowing skin who eat bananas and thinking ‘Goals’ and staring on Instagram at banana smoothies all day on perfectly polished granite worktops thinking… ‘You are so goals’. What’s the relevance of this story? I became obsessed with modeling my personal goals on the back of someone else’s impossible life. Even if only for two days, today I looked at what I was doing and I started to feel weighed down by my impossible demands to myself in order to attain a level someone with a completely different life to myself has. It became a little toxic, looking at someone else so much and thinking ‘Wow, I’d love to be you!’ and ignoring the person that I am, and the things that make me feel good about myself and make my body feel good.

Now I’m not trying to say eat the stuffed crust pizza but in a dysfunctional way I was taught a lesson today not to concern myself too much with someone else, or worse – the essential branding of someone else. Maybe, be a little more selfish with your goals. Consider what you want for yourself and what feels good for you, proceed in the direction of your life that you are most happy and excited about. That’s how I’m maintaining my positive well being at the moment, that’s my secret, I’m doing me. And I feel so good to be doing what I want to do and looking after myself the way I deserve to be looked after. I’ve learned my lesson, 9 bananas later… the pizza tasted so good. I’m glad I am my own ‘goals’, and you should try it too! Think about yourself a little more and stop comparing, you’ll feel so much happier!

I’ll see you all tomorrow, pizza to finish.

Mimi x