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DAY 40

I'm not having the world's best day if I'm entirely honest.
There are a few stories running, essentially documenting the fruits of this blog - I made comments and urged the media to essentially plug SAMH and Bipolar Scotland. I was extra careful not to work with newspapers that were very political, you know ones that basically have a habit of wrangling opinions and creating bias. I worked with local outlets instead of major corporations to get the word out to those who need it.

One article that came out today, you may have read, had a completely horribly lit photo of me looking like a troll with a laptop... inaccurate information regarding my twitter and a tone that zoomed in a lot to my life. I don't know how effective this was or if that had helped you, I'm not as upset now - if it helped someone then that's fine. The people I worked with were fantastic and supportive, sometimes things just don't come out as I envision them.

I'm continuing work for something tomorrow for a slightly larger scale project, where I am hoping I don't look like a troll as there is a lot of images of my face! I know the angle was a little bit weird, so I probably will look like a troll but hopefully Bipolar Scotland will be in the story swell so it will be thorough and vastly helpful for those who need it.

So I guess today I had a bit of attention anxiety, I don't like things being about me and even though I essentially front this blog - I want the success of it to belong immediately to the blog and community, not to me. Thankfully I'm working with some friends tomorrow, so all should be much better!

I think it's natural to feel overwhelmed when something new changes your life. I just never thought the blog would get so big and that everyone would start watching and I guess that just scares me. I am going to be okay, of course! This isn't about me and I guess I'm being selfish worrying about myself!

I start my anti-psychotic medication to treat my hallucinations which have been consistent since around last November. The side effects are pretty bad with more than 1 in 10 having symptoms of Parkinsonism (which is more common with Lithium added). I'm worried about starting that and hopefully it doesn't interrupt the work I do tomorrow.

I think I just need to go to my bed and chill out, probably watch some movies. I think everyone needs a rest particularly when there is a lot of change. Change is one of the worst triggers in an illness like Bipolar Disorder, so I need to be careful in how I treat myself - getting plenty of sleep and staying calm is paramount.

I hope today you have all had a great day, if you are new to this blog and had came here from a local outlet - hello! I'm glad you are reading along.

I'll speak more tomorrow, today has just been a bit of a shock to the system and I need to calm down before I get back to promoting this thing!

All my love, as ever,

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