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DAY 48

Today I feel productive and gleeful. I've started my refurbishment of my furniture and the paint smell has totally attacked my throat, thankfully the primer I've bought is quick dry so tomorrow when I start on other pieces - I can paint over just 2 hours after. I should be finished by Tuesday and I'll totally show you all photos.

Basically I've redecorated my room so that it's much more peaceful - my room used to be red and black, more striking and moody. Now I've reduced it to neutrals with some powder pink and blue, and added tons of different textures that feel good. I have a single bed which is great because the space in the room is phenomenal, it's very airy and bright.

Being productive makes me feel happy, it's difficult to do some things as I have to look after the puppy majority of the time whilst I am home - but I enjoy the odd DIY. I would like a really nice bookcase now, but I'm going to wait until September to get that as I'm spending a great deal of money. The spending has became an issue but I'm hoping that's the worst of it over. I don't feel like I immediately need more stuff at the moment, so I guess the spending should be minimal from this point.

I am doing good at the moment but I think my medication's side effects are kicking in, I've noticed that my vision has seriously worsened - where I can't see things clearly from 2m away. I wear glasses and I genuinely wear them non stop now but it still doesn't help the seriously bad vision. I'm just after reading up about the side effects and eyesight problems is a common one.

I now take my medication at night and so I'm enjoying the drowsy effect, I can sleep better now! Although I've found that I'm so productive now that I'm staying up through the little hours of the morning! But when I sleep, I sleep like a baby.

When you have a mental illness it seems you have to spend all your time and energy chasing normality, Being productive honestly makes me feel normal, but then I'm balancing on a tightrope - I don't want to become too productive and put myself at risk of seriously elevated mood. I can't wait for my bedroom to be perfect. Everything is important when dealing with mental wellbeing - I want to have the perfect environment so I can feel truly relaxed. One huge tip I can give you is never bring your work into your bedroom, it helps you so much. When you start working in your bed you categorise it as another place to be productive and it brings you great difficulty when you try to relax. Make your bedroom your person haven, it'll make life so much easier and more pleasant for you.

I'm trying to make everything in my life perfect just so I can have a perfect life.
As close to perfect I can be.

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