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DAY 66

Today I had a long day of dogsitting and feeling bored. I wanted to go out so desperately but I have to stay out of the sun and I can't walk the dog either because she's in heat, then there's the point my knee has seized up again and it's totally sore.

I’ve been continuing my difficult diet as many know I am a pollo-pescetarian – although I predominately eat veg with very occasional chicken/fish consumption. I loathe red meat it’s just so bad for you other that the iron, which you can easily get from vegetables. Me and my partner have fully stopped really unhealthy foods and we’ve also stopped snacking. I’m not allowed any form of candy, chocolate etc and I’m allowed one dessert a week as a treat – but even still, I need to watch my calorie consumption in there. I eat less than 1400 calories a day now and I exercise a ton. When I exercise I eat more than the 1400, but on lazy days like today I really hold back on my eating.

Why, you ask? I want to be healthy and I want to stay healthy. Yes I am already super slim, but I need to put in extra effort now that I’ve been on lithium for a few months as it’s making me gain weight much more easily. I’m just about healthy weight at the moment, but with my body type – I can be underweight and still healthy. That sounds ridiculous right? Basically I have a ‘tiny frame’, so underweight is okay for me – the BMI system doesn’t really apply well to my body as I have the “supermodel” type. It sounds much more glamorous than it is, basically I’m tall and really slender.

Putting myself on a strict diet, which I’ve been doing for a good while, really helps me focus and look after myself. It’s so difficult believe me! I’m so used to eating chocolate consistently, but cutting it out means I’m much healthier than I’ve ever been. When I continue my daily gym routine, I may treat myself to the odd kinder bueno, but until I’m hitting optimal exercise mode then I’m not letting dirty calories sit in my body no matter how delicious. Considering I have a super great metabolism, it doesn’t change much size-wise in my body – but it’s bad for my heart and my organs. Also, before I was ‘skinny fat’. Loads of girls are! People who pig out but don’t do optimum exercise, who are slim but with generous cellulite/stretch marks tend to be this ‘skinny fat’. Not that that’s a bad thing! It’s just a sign that people aren’t as healthy as they look. I think everyone should look the way they want to and for me I wanted to get away from being close to skinny fat and being much more toned.

I guess I’m blessed with a good body type, when I gain weight too it goes 2 places – boobs and butt. I have retained a tiny waist throughout every diet, good or bad. But I’m also cautious that I can be unhealthier than I look, having a fast metabolism does that. That’s why people who are skinny fat tend to have adult acne, because the snacking and things they do ruins their skin. My sister was so slim it was unbelievable but she ate everything. She had really bad skin, more than likely because she ate all these bad foods.

I suffered from cystic acne last year when I was depressed, basically my anxiety was so bad it caused me a lot of stress and it came out in my skin. I also had a ‘good’ diet at that point, however I treated myself to sweets and chocolate. To get rid of this was difficult, I was prescribed strong drugs and I changed my diet. Obviously the biggest savior was minimizing my stress, but diet must’ve helped out.

I’m now back to beautifully clear skin, and I VERY RARELY get a blemish. But then I was also “Blessed” with a nasty case of freckling, so I guess that compensates having good skin.

Why am I talking about this all today? I don’t know, I just feel like it really helps me out and helps me deal with my life. It’s so mentally difficult to diet – trust me, I had a day last week where I ate two chocolate wagon wheels – but I’ve been doing much better in managing hunger. I think portion sizes are important too, that’s why I calorie count. I never wanted to because I worried that I’d become obsessed – throwback to my eating disorder – but by taking my snacking off and eating PROPER sized portions, I’m really keeping healthy. I see so many instagram meals like “healthy dinner” but the meal is so bloody huge that it’s all 3 meals in one. So dieting requires balance and determination.

All the way through this blogpost I’ve been dreaming about kinder bueno. Yummy, maybe I’ll have a cheat day later in the week.

Oh, and know whats particularly difficult? My aunties invited me to Sunday lunch… at an ALL YOU CAN EAT buffet! I can tell I am not going to get my moneys worth. Usually I view those places like a challenge but I guess I can’t this time. One dessert instead of three I guess.

I hope this was a nice insight for you, remember – opinions are my own, I’m not a professional and I’m just saying that these things work for me. Maybe see a doctor before you do something drastic like I did. I wanted to become a full-time vegetarian, but my doctors recommended I continued eating white meat. So I feel guilty when I eat chicken/fish, but I do it VERY occasionally to give me a much richer protein intake which I need because of my ‘dodgy’ bloods.

P.S apologies about the font change, no idea how to fix it!