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DAY 14: Conditioning

Life is a balance of holding on and letting go, immersing yourself and withdrawing yourself, creating the perfect concoction of wild and calm.

I now feel somewhat socially withdrawn in the sense that I have to make such an effort to maintain contact with others. It’s difficult because I love the serenity, but I’m quietly craving the chaos of people. I’m closing myself off from so much now that I am putting myself at danger of feeling lonely, but I am assured it’ll be good for me to holiday from my social ‘obligations’ for a while.

I want to discuss the significance of a friend circle, particularly within relation to mental wellbeing. In many circumstances I’ve withdrawn myself from communicating with those who haven't proven as worthy assets to my life, thus I’ve tightened my circle. It’s refreshing to have stronger control of my privacy; more so, it’s nice feeling secure with whom I am speaking to. The tighter my friend circle is, the more I feel like my typical self.

If you want an easy, encouraging life - I recommend you surround yourself with only those who are an asset to you. It’s not destructive if you cut people off, particularly if it’s to make yourself feel better. I can confidently say there is not one person in this world who I’d reject a phone call from, I have a very forgiving and empathic nature – however I don't feel it's compulsory to have people dangling on to my life who have unpleasant intentions.

Just a while ago I spoke to someone who had ‘friends’ in her life who did not serve aptly as friends whatsoever, instead they inflicted untenable ‘girl hate’ and served no true purpose than to gossip and make themselves feel better by trampling over another woman’s feelings. I’ve had a lot of experiences with negative people in my life and I clarified to the girl that there was no need to reserve a place in your life for someone who can make you feel such anxiety and dread. That’s not to say there was a conflict or ‘friendship break-up’ but distancing yourself from the negative really does award you a greater sense of perspective and truly conditions and restyles your life for the better.

I know of many people who dislike me for various reasons, so they are not a part of my life. However, if any of those people were to see me in the street and sincerely say hello – of course I would return that favour. Some call it a weakness being so generously kind and forbearing, but I believe that the person with a clean and tolerant soul is indefinitely a figure of strength.

Being able to trust those you are around is essential for recovery from mental illness and it will massively enrich your life if you encircle yourself with individuals who love and appreciate you. You don’t have to abhor and critique those who do not respect you, just value yourself enough to understand you don’t need or deserve the unnecessary grief.

A lesson in self-care is to love yourself enough to understand and accept what is good for you and the rest will fall into place.