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'Losing My Dad'

'Losing My Dad'
By Chelsea-Ann MacVicar

Losing a parent is one of the most difficult parts of anyone’s life. I lost my Dad, Jim, last year when I was 16 years old - and my life hasn’t been the same since. The night we lost him, I felt like I was dreaming and I hoped it was all just a nightmare - I didn't want to believe it.

My dad was a very kind and thoughtful man who was there day or night for anyone who needed him. He was there for everyone who needed any kind of help in life. My dad wasn't the kind of person who would take money off you or expect anything in return if you needed a favour.

My dad was a huge Greenock Morton fan and Sheffield United fan. He ran the away game buses and kept everything flowing. In honour of him, his good friend took over and has kept the supporters bus going in his memory. The fans on the bus never stop thinking of my dad; people mention him a lot and constantly speak of how genuine and kind a man he was.

Along with being a fantastic person to others, he was my dad. He taught me everything that I needed to know from being a toddler to a teenager. He wasn't my biological dad, but he took over the role of being a father to me when I was a just a few months old - and for that I am so grateful. We were very close and he treated and loved me just the same as his other daughters. Him and I had a very special bond over football; we spent every Saturday together at the home and away games. We were both Greenock Morton season ticket holders for a number of years, but when he passed I decided to give it up.
My Dad, Jim, at Sheffield
Looking back now, there are many things I regret. I regret not telling my dad about what was going on in my life as much as I should have, and I am disappointed that I never took any pictures with him. All I have left of us two is one video where he was joking around with me. He put me in our garage to show me my supposed ‘17th birthday present’… a toy car!

My dad was a joker, but he was also a thoughtful and hands-on father. My dad taught me to do my best in school even when I didn't like it. After he passed away, I completely ignored school because he wasn't there to motivate me, and now I regret not completing my final year. I also didn't go to my prom because I couldn’t have my dad there, but that I don't regret because I know that I wouldn't of enjoyed myself.

The toughest thing about losing a parent is not having them around to talk to when you need them most, or having them there to witness moments in your life. If I could speak to my dad just one last time, I’d tell him that I love and miss him very much, and that I hope I can make him proud.

I lost my dad when I was 16 years old; I'm now 17 and life still isn't the same. I am now in full-time College working in Care, making it up to him when I let him down by leaving school. I stopped attending football games at Cappielow because I couldn’t find anyone to share that experience with, but for my dad I would like to start going again, in his memory. I know that I should return, as that’s what he would’ve liked.

I am still carrying grief with me since my dad passed away and sometimes I feel that things won’t get any better or easier. To get through the hard times when I think of him most, when I’m doing something or going somewhere, I think to myself that he's still there with me. I advise anyone who is dealing with a parent’s death to talk to someone about how you feel, because it’s something that I didn’t do. I find it very difficult to open up and find someone to talk to when I need a shoulder to cry on. However, keeping my grief inside just made me feel angry and hurt; sometimes I cried myself to sleep and other times I lashed out and punched furniture. I believe now if I open up and speak about my feelings towards my dad’s death, I could help myself deal with life without him.

I will always love and remember my dad, and I am working now to come to terms with his death. It will be a long journey, but by opening up I hope I can finally find myself some peace, and make my dad proud.